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Issue 00407 |
Feb 1 - 24, 2006 |
issn 0856 - 9135 |
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Features |
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By Andrew G.Laizer Perhaps the most significant element in the dissolution of long standing marriages is a consequence of living in the century of the child. Child rearing could get to be a full time job for a mother and could occupy all of a father available time. Many parents feel they are doing a favor by letting their own lives revolve around child centered activities that drain them dry. How did this condition develop and what are it's dangers. First, we have become afraid of our children. Most of us want our children love more than anything else, and try to prove that we are doing a good job of being parents. In former years the majority of parents wanted mainly respect from their children, which made things considerably easier. They weren't afraid to be momentarily disliked by children during the act of enforcing the rules. Now a psychological revolution is taking place in many homes. Parents feel weighed down with a sense of guilty responsibility. They have been made acutely aware of the complex emotional relationship between parent and child, and are thinking in terms of psychological cause and effect. We parents are led to believe anything we say or do to our children will have lasting effect for good or evil. As a result many of us have become uneasy, embarrassed, inarticulate, and frightened. The first generations of immobilized parents who are letting their children practically take over their homes. So many modern parents are afraid to demand respect from their children or their children friends. Second we have surrendered to a permissiveness that is both unworkable and devastating. Reacting against the Victorian way of rearing children, rigid and authoritarian we have become weak, passive and indulgent. We are continuously giving and the children never stop taking. Instead of giving them experiences, we give them things, so the children come to feel that he should have everything he wants that he should never be frustrated, and he should never have to work for anything. Third, we have adversely reacted to our own failures and deficiencies. What can be done about this unhealthy child centered situation? There are several basic principles that must be indelibly inscribed in our thinking. Note well; Partnership is more important than parenthood. How you treat your mate is more important than how you treat your children. You can't really love your partner and neglect your children. A child basic security knows his parents love. He is assured by this that we will never be abandoned and is part of a strong satisfying relationship. The Bible always speaks of marriage responsibility first between partners before it speaks of family responsibility to the offspring. (Ephesians 5:22 – 32, Colossians 3:18 – 21; I Peter 3: 1-8) Also a radiant partnership is necessary for the right marriage example. The only course on marriage most children never take is the one at home and the most potent influence in child culture is initiation, where does a boy learn the privileges and responsibilities of a husband except by watching his father. The greatest gift a man can give to his son is a strong image of stability and tenderness, a daily example of courage and integrity, a balanced combination of leadership and love all enhanced by his dedication to God. And what a girl need to see is a supremely happy mother, beautiful with the charm of a gentle and quiet spirit, attractive because she is still in love with her husband, she has joyfully embraced her home responsibilities as a stimulating challenge and realizes that to be a mother demands her finest efforts and brings her a greatest reward. Our children will carry in their character the subtle impressions of our marriage at home. We are determining the quality of future marriages by strengthening the quality of our own. Bye – meet me in Arusha Times next week. Rev. Andrew Gama Laizer
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Updated:
January 07, 2006 . |
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Webmaster: WDJMallya |
