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Issue 00442 |
October 21 - 27, 2006 |
issn 0856 - 9135 |
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Features |
| The desire to grow up contributes difficulty by Rev. Andrew Ole Gama This time of growing up causes young people to wish to pull away from parents in the interests of independent action on personal freedom. Generally, parents and teenagers grow apart. There seems to be a shared feeling that to be an independent and self sustaining means to refuse help. Nothing could be further from the truth. There is manifestly no reason why a shutdown of communication should be either necessary or desirable. What is responsible for this feeling that continued contact with parents is opposed to the process of maturing. Parents sometimes refuse to modify earlier relationship. For the most part parents are unwilling to change the nature of their display of interest, even though the maturing of their young people clearly indicates that many changes should be made. Whereas during childhood days it was necessary for parents to be rather authoritative. This dogmatic authority which grew out of a deep and justified concern for their safety must be supplanted by a desire to render help on terms that can be accepted by the maturing young persons. The greatest single complaint made by teenagers against their parents is “They continue to treat me like a child.” We parents who wish to keep communication lines open simply must school ourselves in the task of regarding our maturing teenagers as young adults rather than as the babies we sometimes wish they would continue to be. Do not press for close relationships. The world is full of inconsistencies and parent teenage relationships involve many paradoxes. They want to be treated like growing up; even though they claim equal status with you, they may not cherish an earnest communication with you. Even if you grant them the cherished desire to be treated like grown up; you must remember that their only partially so, a segment of their adolescence still remains. This segment is most clearly seen in their resistance to you, their most devoted friends. Sometimes such resistance really hurts. Whereas they welcome the advice and suggestions of others younger or even older, they still have the immaturity that prevents a full acceptance of those people called parents. So often they will desire and seek communication with other adults and will leave you confused and hostile. (To be continued)
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