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The story of Adam and Evil!By Valentine Marc Nkwame I was thinking! What if Adam and Eve had just been created and sent to start life in Arusha, from where they were supposed to reproduce in abundance and fill the earth? If the 2002 Nationwide census is anything to go by, then Mr and Mrs Adam will have to first name all the 250,000 creatures living in Arusha and while at that, dodge the reckless driven town buses and over speeding, UN-Tribunal vehicles. With the current waves of crime taking toll in town, God would definitely have to supply both Adam and his first lady, Eve, with bullet-proof suits of armor, that is if he seriously wanted them to live long enough to have their first baby. This brings us to another major question: What if Eve could not conceive? God forbid, it never happened in Eden then and there is no reason for it to happen here in Arusha now, unless of course, if the serpent was to trick the woman into abortion. "Take care of Arusha with all its creatures!" God ordered. "And ye are not to eat the forbidden fruit." "Why?" Eve inquired rather curiously. "Because once ye eat from that fruit both of you will end up in the Mount Meru Hospital mortuary!" The almighty warned. "And which exactly is the forbidden fruit?" Adam asked. "Now that you have asked!" Said God "There are many, in fact every fruit in Arusha is forbidden." "But how comes?" Both Adam and his Mama, would ask in unison. "Because the creatures who live here, believe that, this town is located at the central point, between Cape town and Cairo city." Said God. "And is that a bad thing?" Adam, who isn’t quite a genius in Geography, wanted to know. "Yes, very bad." God would answer, "Because, it is a lie in the first place and ‘Thou shall not lie!" "So what should we be eating here, Nyama Choma?" Asked Adam who usually loves the big steaks served at the VIP club in Sekei. "Yes!" Said God. "As long as it is well done, no blood should be seen trickling from it." Later, as Eve was strolling around the clock tower junction, a large black snake slithered from the tower chasing a big brown rat. The snake paused upon seeing Eve and the rat thus managed to escape. But the rat didn’t reach far, a blue plated UN-Tribunal vehicle ran over it. "Hell! There goes my dinner." cursed the snake. "But it is so bloody and I understand you normally eat them raw." Shrieked Eve, the wife of Adam. "That is the whole idea." Reasoned the snake. "You see, in this town one has to eat everything raw in order to survive, cooking destroys flavor and adds to monthly electric bills!" "Aren’t you afraid of blood?"Asks the shocked Eve (Wife of Adam). "Are you demented?" Sneers the snake, "Nobody in Arusha is afraid of blood .... Robbers, Tribunal cars, town bus drivers, politicians, the police ...." "So you advise me to also start drinking blood?" Asks Eve, the wife of Adam. "Exactly!" Shouts the Snake. "It is the only way to get ahead around here and stay healthy, that and promiscuous affairs .... sleep your way to the top!" "But God warned us against eating anything with blood on it!" Eve, the wife of Adam objected. "Suit yourselves." Said the Snake, "But God knows that, once you get into this bloody business, you both may end up as big as himself, maybe even bigger!" When Adam returned home from Matongee pub, where he was irrigating his throat, he found raw meat on the table. "What! Why isn’t it cooked?" He demanded. "We must save on electricity." Explained Eve "Besides meat tastes better when eaten raw." As Adam ate the meat he suddenly felt naked, in fact so did Eve. They both went out, armed with machetes, then invaded a few houses robbing clothes. Realizing that robbery was good, they later acquired pistols .... The rest is our story!
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