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A letter to my wife .... or somebody similar!
My Dearest Wife!
How are you? I hope you are fine, wherever you are that is. And while at that,
whoever you are, because apparently, we haven't met yet, at least, not now that
I am still single and intends to remain so, for another couple of years.
In fact, that is why I am writing this letter in the first place. You see, there
is a need for us to communicate before we eventually meet and an old fashioned
letter is the best method, trust the Post office to deliver this after three
weeks.
Well, I happen to be very shy, that is why it is better if you get to read this
long after I have forgotten that I even wrote it in the first place. Forgive me
for not enclosing a photograph, because once those Post Office thieves realize
there is something other than the letter in the envelope, then you won't be
getting the mail.
And by the time they discover that it wasn't money but just a photograph, they
will pin the torn letter on their notice board together with a note saying; "If
you know the guy who wrote this letter, please take it back to him so that he
can put it in another envelope!"
Never mind, that is not the issue here, though I don't like the ides of getting
back my own letter, at the time when it was supposed to be getting forward to
you. I certainly also won't be enjoying the enclosed note, putting it clear
that; "Stamps once sold are not refundable!"
Anyway "I love you!" At least that is what a friend of mine has advised me to
tell you, if this proposed marriage between us was to work. In fact, he even
taught me the French version of the words, which sounds like; Je t'aime.
I have always thought the French were crazy, I mean you simply can't mix Romance
with Jets. Planes should be left to pretentious businessmen, full of briefcases,
suits and the current copies of the World financial report.
Never mind, Madame or should it be Mademoiselle? You see, my friend is not
exactly an authority in the French language. But we or rather I was talking
about you becoming my, "Mama- watoto!" Which means, mother of my children.
Not that I plan to have many children, English medium schools are becoming quite
expensive nowadays, you would think they teach anything other than some stale
Nursery Rhymes, before making the already fat kids even fatter, by constantly
feeding them with porridge, bread and nuts.
My letter is pathetic isn't it? But it is better than Email, because here you
get to see my real handwriting, it is important not to marry an illiterate
fellow because they can really be stubborn sometimes.
Mind you, it is also important not to marry a doctor either (You can tell by
their handwritings), because it takes an apple a day to keep them away. And when
the doctor is away, trust him to be at his smaller house or 'Nyumba ndogo.'
Once you get this letter please respond immediately, otherwise how will I know
that you got it in the first place? And how will I know if the answer to my
proposal is Yes or No? In case it happens to be a 'No' How again Am I to know if
it really means 'No?'
Now should it turn out to be either 'Yes' or 'No,' then we definitely must get
married someday. Not in church though, Prince Charles and Camila did that and it
didn't seem to be a very interesting idea.
Besides, at a quick count, Arusha should be having about 2 million churches, by
the time you read this, so it may not be quite easy to determine which of those
guarantees a 'Happily thereafter' matrimony.
But as I told you, we won't be getting married in the near future, because a
good marriage should never be tied in a hurry. All is needed here is for you to
say 'Yes I do,' Who knows, you may at least end up being my girlfriend.
And listen carefully, I am sending at least 17 copies of this letter to
different future wives, the competition could be high, so you better decide
quickly and boy, you better be beautiful too!
nkwame@gmail.com
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