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Turning conflict into cooperationBy: Boniface Mouti "It is not my turn to clean up the room" "Mum, make him stop looking at me like that!" "But dad said I could!" "She always gets easy jobs!" Do any of this statements sound familiar? If your household is not as peaceful and harmonious as you’d like it to be , may be everyone at home could use a little practice in appreciating each other’s learning style strengths. It’s ironic that we seem to be drawn to people who possess the traits and characteristics that we lack. So how do we turn family (children) conflict into cooperation. First it is important to know the strengths and dominant styles of the family. Understand them clearly. It is only after this that we can be able to focus on the positive aspects of individual differences. Then, armed with this knowledge, it is very easy especially for the parents to see how they can apply to smooth potential trouble spots in the family. It is important to understand and appreciate that non of us possesses a pure learning style, but we can all admit to having definite bents and patterns of learning. This is exactly the same with our children. Acknowledging the individual learning styles within our families and more so in our children is the first step toward bringing everyone together as a team and by this we are able to instill the spirit of unity in our children. The next step is to understand how these various styles manifest themselves, because only then will you be able to depersonalize conflict every time it crops up. Chances are good that in every family where there are two parents, there will be two different learning styles for the children. Although the potential for great teamwork exists, there’s also room for conflict between parenting styles. For example, if one parent is analytic in his style he will emphasise the importance of maintaining a consistent code. The sequential parent may dictate a predictable routine, while the random counterpart has difficulty even remembering what the routine is supposed to be. Since these parents probably have children with different learning styles, how can they present a unified front? How can they agree on parenting strategies for their children when they may not even agree on what’s important between the two of them? Parents of opposite styles must make a concentrated effort not to work against each other’s style. Identify the outcomes and goals you want to set for your family before you discuss the methods you think are needed for achieving them. Once you have agreed on those bottom- line outcomes, recognize that each other of you may have different approaches. As long as you’re both committed to the objective, give yourselves room for compromise. As soon as your children are old enough, enlist their help in establishing basic family values. Then talk about some of the various ways to reach the same destination, emphasizing the importance of the bottom-line. This is how we can create harmony and unity in our families and by and large to our children. Yes, I might sound like a matrimonial counselor this week but unless we do all these, there’s no way we are going to get anywhere with our children. It needs sacrifice and commitment to bring up a respectable member of the community. Email: rehofo@yahoo.com
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