...This club is for women only!

by Valentine Marc Nkwame

Be afraid! Be very afraid, because a certain Underground Organization, being made up of only female members, is currently lurking behind the Arusha town scene ... Just like the nightmare in Elm street.

This secret club, which is probably the most scary set up, since Gestapo, consists of ladies who happen to be rather well off financially ... Or at least, their husbands must be.

The club members meet regularly, talk endlessly and for some strange reasons, each one of them think she wields a magical wand of Elixilir.

That is, despite their extremely advanced ages, the members believe to be still young girls aged about 18 years and that, their own daughters are actually much older than them.

Their beliefs are normally reinforced by about six inches of make-ups, plastered onto their faces, hair styles that usually take about, 21 days, to be put together at any local beauty parlours and frilly outfits, saucy enough to astound even Jennifer Lopez.

There is usually no specific rendezvous location, for their increasingly regular meetings, but the members always seem to enjoy meeting in local pubs .... Especially "Makuti" thatched ones.

Now, since almost all of them can afford their own cars, the members always drive to their specified meeting places separately.

Once there, they pick any table situated at the joint’s corner, before ordering something called, "Kuku Choma!" Which is the poultry version of "Nyama Choma!"

Beer is bad for the members’ waistlines, so I am told, they would normally summon the waiter, and order wines in rather slurpy voices, which if you ask me, should be reserved for their husbands.

Never mind, but a few glasses of wine and chunks of artificially grown, roast chicken, down their throats, the members suddenly become excited.

With eyes blazing, they will then launch into a hot sessions of exchanging their recent experiences..

During their club meetings, the members also take pride in telling each others of their successful efforts in converting their gullible husbands into hen pecked idiots.

They would start competing on the types of cars that their husbands bought them, about their elder sons taking pilot training in the Canada or daughters taking computer studies in France.

If any of the club members happen to be absent from any of their meetings, then her fellow members will smear her with some spine chilling gossips.

The members can afford to talk for hours, because their house maids at home will always remember to feed the dog and take the little children to bed. "She is so good! My mother found her in the village. Doesn’t need much pay!"

Members of this club hardly pay their housemaids well, despite the fact that the poor girls do almost everything at home, while the ladies are basking at beauty parlours, pubs or local wedding committees.

After revealing their future plans to each others. (...Have my nails manicured ...eyebrows lifted ... Go to Nairobi for my weekly medical check-ups! ) The members will then rise and leave the pub .... Not necessarily heading for their homes.

The ladies presence however, will remain lingering for hours, thanks to a combined, expensive plus exotic scents, whose fume medley may easily launch any space rocket to Mars .... And probably back.

"Be Very Afraid!"

nkwame@eudoramail.com

Last modified: November 14, 2003.
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