Stop the traffic! Gay Bishops are here

By Valentine Marc Nkwame

Ah! Here we go again. A self confessed gay, gets confirmed to become the Bishop of New Hampshire’s Episcopal Church in America, then suddenly, we are all experts on matters of religion and morals.

Right now, any Arushan resident will be able to tell you that, being gay is not only Satanic, but no queer person should ever be allowed anywhere near the church Altar.

They will also tell you that, America is actually the devil’s own high commission office on earth, therefore everything from the US should also be regarded as a taboo.

Others will remind you that, this is the end of the world, that’s why religious institutions are going astray, even to the extent of consecrating homosexuals to become Church leaders.

Church leaders, both in Arusha and countrywide are also vowing that, the decision of the Yankee clergy to let a queer in their midst, has created a wall between the US-based altar and the local pulpits.

All this malarkey is simply because a gay fellow is just about to make a living being a church sovereign in uncle Sam’s land of freedom.

By the way! A gay is any male person who has just decided that, women are neither as beautiful nor sexy, as we have always been made to believe.

So instead of marrying a woman, the gay fellow will ... Eh ... marry his fellow man and live happily thereafter .... Until one of them becomes a Bishop.

This apparently, is what his "Holiness," Reverend Gene Robinson, is said to have done, before being voted into Bishop-hood, by the majority of his fellow Yankee clerical team.

The Episcopal Church of America, on the other hand, is part of the Anglican Church of England which currently boasts over 70 million followers world wide.

Some of the church followers happen to be in Tanzania. In fact, about 5,000 of them are in Arusha, but 800 of them recently demonstrated against their own Bishop.

The Bishop in question is Simon Makundi of the Anglican Diocese of Kilimanjaro, who was being alleged to have been trying to promote the use of Condoms as proper devices in self "protection" against a certain incurable disease called; HIV- AIDS, whatever that is.

The 800 brethren, who opposed to the use of this "advice" are all members of the Saint James Anglican Parish of Arusha which the Bishop later locked .... And got forced by circumstances to open it up again later.

In the past, condoms indeed used to be regarded as taboos in both local churches and community as whole, until money from our "western" brothers started to pour in.

The money was being channeled into alleged HIV-AIDS awareness campaigns(!?), the fight against the deadly disease (!!?) and prevention strategies (i.e. Condoms).

Suddenly, Condoms stopped being taboos and become national icons. Politicians, NGOs and even some clergy members started to worship them, sing their praises and encourage their use

Most of these HIV-AIDS campaigns, which are in most cases just a camouflage of encouraging sex talks in public and commercializing condoms in the process, actually have strings attached to the Western Pop Culture of which the US is its kingpin.

The gay bishop, is simply a new product that has just rolled from the western pop culture’s conveyor belt.

Right now, everybody here seem to be opposing this idea of having a gay Bishop in the local Christendom setups but it won’t be for long.

Just wait until the money starts flowing in, in form of funds to boost the new idea about men marrying each other, as an alternative strategy in combating HIV-AIDS infections.

Soon, new NGOs will open business here, fully equipped with air-conditioned offices, Toyota Land Cruiser vehicles and emblems with words like "Good Guy Gay" (GGG), "Same Sex Suitor Supports" (SSSS) and "Gay for Life" (GFL). Government officials and other local politicians will fight for a chance to officiate their courses.

Suddenly, we all shall start to sing the gay praises, some church will even establish consultation centres that promote homosexuality as another way of fighting the spread of HIV-AIDS.

In a nutshell, we are all once opposed to condoms but the money from both the US and its western allies made us to accept them. Now we are opposing gay bishops but once uncle Sam digs into his pockets, being queer will be the latest fashion around

When our fund and yellow maize providers decide that the new church clergy should consist of gays, no one in Africa will dare oppose that.

Actually, if the US decides that, Pet Squirrels should be our new Pastors ... Local churches will have no option, other than start ordering peanuts.

nkwame@eudoramail.com

Last modified: November 06, 2003.
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