Question of Providence still unanswered
From Martin LeFevre in California
A stiff wind blows across the fields. Even though the sun is obscured, and
despite the wind, it is fairly warm. The long hot summer of California's Central
Valley is near.
As meditation ignites the sky grows white, and the wind picks up even more.
There is the deepening feeling of a presence, something that is with one which
is beyond all words and knowing.
I give no name to it, since I don't know what it is, just that it is goodness
itself.
At the time there is no doubt, but as I write this, I feel a certain degree of
uncertainty. That is OK. Doubt is essential.
This presence only comes during states of negation. When all problems and
concerns have naturally come to an end, burned away through attention, then
there is something totally beyond words.
It sounds very mystical, but it isn't. The brain stores experience in the
scrolls of memory, and then views nature and the world through its
symbols—words, knowledge, associations, images. If one observes this movement
very carefully, without division and with a light touch (that is, without effort
and the observer), the movement stops, or at least pauses.
When attention deepens and the spaces between thoughts lengthen, there is a
direct awareness of the movement of life, and the essence within and beyond
life. One perceives motion, but not in time. I don't live in that state, but it
happens regularly during meditation.
If the awareness is strong and sustained (again, not in time but beyond
psychological time), then the sacred may present itself. One cannot say anything
more at this point. As the philosopher Wittgenstein said, "whereof one cannot
speak, thereof one must be silent."
Is there anything other than content consciousness and the possibility of its
negation for we humans? Is intelligence operating on and within human
consciousness? Or is there nothing except negation, and with it the possibility
of awareness of the sacred?
In Christian terms, these questions relate to notions of "Providence," or "God's
plan." If there is no meaning in human history, then such ideas are completely
illusory. Then the world, as the Buddha said, is but "a bubble and a mirage."
The feeling or idea that something greater is going on in human history is a
difficult one to either remain with, or let go. Why? Is it because the ego still
wants to achieve some great goal, personally and collectively? Or is because
beyond all the meanings that man invents, "the wheels of God grind slowly, but
finely?"
We must make a distinction here between nothingness and nihilism. Nothingness,
in the sense I'm using the word, does not mean a void. Science has implicitly or
explicitly propagated the idea that life is just a mechanical, random business.
That is nonsense. There is beauty, wonder, innocence, intelligence, and
sacredness within and beyond all material processes.
That doesn't mean there is inherent meaning however. This is where nihilism
rears its ugly head. The growing popularity of the view that existence is
senseless and useless is a heartless reaction to the stupidity and violence of
the world. Nihilism has no more validity than the beliefs and values it
denounces.
Even so, that still leaves the question of Providence unanswered. Is divine
guidance and care operating in human history? Is there such a thing as a God
that sustains and guides human destiny?
That idea (or insight) is becoming harder and harder to sustain. Negation in
meditation awakens the awareness of sacredness. But is that it? In short, is
this where faith begins, or foolishness ends?
mglefevre@earthlink.net
The author welcomes comments.
